What does it mean to crack open? For a chick, this means escaping from an increasingly tight environment after a series of exhausting efforts. For a chick it takes about 21 days to enter a huge world. For me, it meant leaving a cushy job after 10 years. For me, this moment came after some of the most challenging and painful moments of my life. For me, it took 31 years and some very intense struggling and suffering before I was ready to ‘crack open.’
In April of 2020, when it was apparent this pandemic did not have a foreseeable end, we decided to incubate 12 fertilized chicken eggs. We repeated the process again in August with 24 eggs. My daughter was thrilled and it became a family affair, all of us pitching in. After 18 days dutifully rotating the eggs three times per day, you stop and wait about 3 days for what is called a ‘pip ‘- a small hole in the shell and the first sign of hatching. This was all new to me and incredibly fascinating. I could not believe that a combination of heat, humidity and rotating, could turn a delicious breakfast food into a tiny fuzzy creature. The excitement grew and it appeared our work, time and energy was all paying off. Let them all come out safely, I would think to myself.
Once a chick has pipped, you wait for what is called ‘unzipping” – the process of pecking 360 around the circumference of the egg. This is a nail biting process. I eagerly googled, “How long does it take an egg to hatch?”
Various farming blogs informed me it can take up to 48 hours for some chicks… bahh! One by one the chicks would start the process. In some cases, one would start before another, but the second would pop out first, causing me great concern. Forty-eight hrs seemed simply too long. Was the first chick okay?
The first hatch we lost two chicks. They were fully formed but unable to unzip and push out of the egg. This tore at my heart. Was there anything I could have done? I researched how to help them out and at what point to even consider this. The answers varied and some sources insisted to give them time insisting no interference was required, while others suggested careful and cautious assistance. Patience was the key though… which is something I am working on–practicing patience. As I furthered my research, I found out the long and laborious process of unzipping is actually an important part of hatching. It helps them to detach from the membranes enclosed around them. Leading up to hatching, it is also important for the chick to absorb their yolk sac. Both things take energy and effort and must take place prior to cracking out of their shells. Intervening too early or thinking we are helping, may negatively effect the absorption. The work and effort and struggle are all apart of the process.
So, I would watch. I would watch through the tiny glass window with my daughter, cheering the chicks on as they struggled to make their way into this world. It was pure excitement as we witnessed the final exertion of energy and the little creature kicked its way out of the shell emerging wet and exhausted. Hunched over to get a better view, I would observe as their tiny bellies moved up and down, so worn out they could barely open their tiny eyes. But they did it! They made it out and all our work was rewarded… But really, they did all the work.
This is one of several videos I took. The incubator was of the homemade variety from my father in law. You can hear our excitement as we witness this little miracle. Watch close – you can witness both the unzipped and a new pip.
Environment factors are necessary for a successful hatch. Temperature and humidity must be ideal. And when the time comes for hatching to begin, humidity must be increased to make sure that the membrane does not dry out. If the membrane does not maintain suitable moisture content, it can tighten around the chick, like cellophane wrap. The movement required to unzip becomes impossible and eventually the little creature dies. THEY COULD DIE. I would not let that happen. Oh no. Not this time. I would ease their struggle and pain (and prevent my own). I would help them out.
During the second hatching in August, I was determined to not lose ANY chicks. Being in this mindset, I found myself pulling their little eggs out of the incubator to inspect their partially unzipped egg. I was worried they would suffocate and die if I didn’t help, it was taking TOO LONG! Were they okay? Why did they stop pecking? What is happening? I would slowly and mindfully peal small pieces of shell, careful not to rip the membrane which had veins running through it, pumping blood to the small creature. One wrong move and I could cause the thing to bleed out. Isn’t it funny how us humans feel the need to intervene and be ‘in control’ to avoid a potentially negative outcome… just ponder that a moment… we do it a lot.
For this second hatch we had two incubators. One had perfect humidity, while the other had a low humidity, and no matter what I did I could not seem to maintain the percentage necessary. Out of 12 eggs only 4 successfully hatched. I tried to help some out, but was too late. My efforts were fruitless. The environment was not ideal. I found myself getting panicked about the other 12 eggs throughout this process as well. I watched for the pip then the unzipping. I paced. I left and came back to see how long the process was taking. They struggled, but eventually 12 of the 14 hatched. Far better success.
Lessons in Unexpected Places
Why am I telling you this story? About 2 weeks ago I had an ‘ahha’ moment. I was thinking about my own struggling and suffering. (Side note: If you are wondering about the difference between the two, here is how I see it; Struggle = physical hurdle or barrier, for example; losing a job unexpectedly, financial challenges, medical emergency and illness. Suffering= thoughts about those struggles that weigh and bring us down and induce fear, for example; “I will never be able to find another job, “We are going to become homeless… then what?” “Why does this always happen to me” . WE suffer when all of our thoughts become darkened by struggle.)
I was thinking about the many lessons I have learned through both struggling and self made suffering. And I realized this:
Similar to the process of incubation, pipping, unzipping and finally hatching, is our journey through life.
During the pre-natal and infancy stages, we are nurtured and cared for– if not we would die. This is incubation, we must rely on others to care, feed and nurture us in order to survive.
As we grow into children, tweens and teenagers, we start to pip– we test to see what happens when we break boundaries, test our relationships with our parents and take incremental risks. Our view of the world becomes just a little bit bigger.
During young adulthood and mid adulthood is when our unzipping begins. We slowly roll within our shells, taking breaks and pauses as necessary. We struggle. We become exhausted. Our strength is tested. This process cannot be rushed. And while others may watch with discomfort and try to rush the process to ease their own suffering, we must do it in our own time, on our own terms. If the environment isn’t right– we might give up; we might stay wrapped in our shell. Held there by limiting beliefs and falsehoods we have formed within our identity. Held there by toxic people and relationships we can’t shake. Held there by unsafe environments, whatever that may look like.
But what if our environment is right? We will push into the struggles and embrace, or at least endure, the hard times. The work, struggle and suffering we have endured will pay off — it will lead us to something more. This final struggle or burst of energy may play out in what some may call a “Mid Life Crisis” — An active resistance to our current situation. A rebellion. A defining moment to show we no longer want to play small, we no longer want to live within our socially accepted boundaries. We want to break free. This final act is one of hatching– hatching into a world that no longer restricts us. Hatching into our true selves. For me, my hatching was when I quit my job full of benefits, decent pay and security. It was safe. But I grew to dislike it very much. I felt trapped. I was told I couldn’t be myself. I had to hold myself back. I had to quiet myself constantly and if I didn’t I was reprimanded. I could no longer sit in the tightness of my shell. I made sure my environment was right before breaking free, and I am so glad I did. This doesn’t mean I have it all figured out… not by a long shot, but my world has opened up and possibilities are endless. I have cracked open…
I wondered, as I pulled out the half zipped eggs, the creature inside lifeless and limp –Did they give up? Was it the environment? Could I have helped in some way?
The difference between us and the chick is we get to question the world around us! Do we give up? Do we give in to a mediocre existence? Do we continue to live within our confined spaces? Is our environment keeping us curled up small… suffocating us? Unlike the chick, we can change our environment if it is safe for us to do so. It will be hard, but we can slowly and surely move in a direction of change; we can take the steps necessary. We can ask for help when we are suffocating. If the environment is poor and we are losing strength, we can reach out–to even one person–one small act can change everything; one small change may give us the energy we need to finally crack open for the world to see.
Self Reflection:
- Where are you in this cycle?
- List 3 struggles you have overcome?
- What enabled you to overcome it?