I Recently Got Vaccinated and I Won’t be Celebrating

          *  I initially wrote this about a week ago, and I had no idea how fast the train was really moving until todays announcement by the BC Government.

I got my vaccine the other day. You won’t see me posting a smiling picture holding up a sticker that reads “I just got my COVID Vaccine.” You will not find me online pleading for others to do it too. You just won’t and hopefully I can explain why…

For months, I have felt like I was on a train steadily rolling down the tracks and the speed keeps increasing each day. On this train, I am surrounded by friends, family and local community members, and the once smiling friendly bunch of folks chanting “we are all in this together”, are starting to frown and threaten to throw me off the train. That’s what it has felt like. And don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of people throughout the crowd that would come and pull me back in, but the speed of the train would simply make that too challenging.

After seventeen months on this train, I feel I’ve been put through the ringer… mentally, emotionally and physically. The constant information streaming through news outlets and social media, the changing policies, vaccines and now vaccine passports.

For months I’ve watched the media ramp up the vaccine push. I have stayed on the sidelines as a silent watcher, a witness to the unrolling of vaccines. I have waded through the research, the recalls and the recommendations. I have watched memes on social media go from loving and supportive of personal choice, to divisive, patronizing and sometimes hateful towards those with differing opinions.

I’ve read posts and comments suggesting that unvaxxed people are ‘stupid, selfish and uncaring.’ I’ve listened to news stories where doctors point the finger at the unvaxxed for spiking case counts in BC. I have seen celebrities online shaming people who choose to remain unvaxxed. I read comments full of hatred and name calling suggesting those who are unvaxxed are conspiracy theorists and right wing assholes….

Well here’s the thing, I was those people. Its me who didn’t feel comfortable putting this substance into my body- it’s me who is questioning the safety and long term side effects. And yet those who know me, also know I am loving and kind and compassionate and empathetic and never once in my life have I considered myself ‘right wing’ (not that your political beliefs should have anything to do with it).

Yet, when the subject of vaccinations came up within my family and I voiced my own concerns about the vaccine, my own father called me a ‘trump supporter and a q anon believer’ – which by the way I had to look up what the hell a q anon believer was….
I was informed that unvaxxed family members would not be invited to Christmas dinner…

And just like that, there it was…

The friendly faces on the train turned angry and I could feel myself being pushed towards the door.

For those of you reading this who got your vaccination ages ago and have been shaking your heads at the ‘unvaxxed’ and felt entirely comfortable and happy to make the choice you did- read this not to judge, read this to understand, because honestly , so many times I had wished I felt comfortable with getting it, I wished it wasn’t such a tough decision. Everything would have been much easier that way, I assure you.

But for me the decision did not come easily.

Over the years I’ve come to realize that we as a society CANNOT fully trust our institutions. A successful democracy requires us to question our systems.  I’ve learned that our governments are corrupt, our health system is flawed and pharmaceutical companies are money hungry businesses… and all operate in a capitalistic society.

I’ve learned Government officials of all levels are only human, and unfortunately that means the people running the country are easily swayed by power and money and fear any public disapproval that could take away their power. I’ve learned government officials only apologize when they are caught (unless they are Trudeau then they apologize about everything, all the time) I’ve learned they are hypocrites who make rules, then break the very rules they just made. I have learned we must question everything, every decision, every action, every bill being submitted to the house, everything.

I’ve learned that our institutions of health are set up to diagnose and treat illness- NOT prevent it from starting in the first place. I’ve learned through numerous 3 pm airings with Bonnie Henry and Adrian Dix that policy can change so quickly that it is hard to remember what we were told a week earlier.

• For Example:
  • Masks are ineffective…. then they were effective
  • Vaccine’s must be stored in ultra cold storage….Now a regular commercial freezer will do
  • Vaccine doses should be 4 weeks apart…. Supplies were low, so 3-4 months is fine and actually studies show longer time between doses is actually better…. Oh now supply is up again, so 4 weeks in between is best.
  • Both doses should be from the same supplier…. Then…Turns out you can mix and match vaccines
  • We will need about 75-80 percent of the population vaccinated to get to herd immunity…. Everyone must be vaccinated to prevent more variants…
  • Unvaccinated people will be able to spread the virus around and this could create mutations…. Studies are now starting to show that vaccinated people can just as easily pass along the virus which means the chance of mutations forming still exists in the vaccinated folks.
  • AND most recently…. Vaccine passports will be required to enter certain facilities… who knows what next week will bring??

Ultimately, I have learned everyone in charge is just winging it. They are doing the best they can, but really, they are flying by the seat of their pants and the science is constantly changing – and we best all shut up and listen to their advice… even if it can be confusing at times.

Finally,  I have learned to question pharmaceutical companies. We’ve all heard stories of outrageously priced specialized medications. We’ve heard stories of companies having their products recalled after years on the shelves. I learned that should the shit hit the fan with these vaccines, the companies producing them would be completely off the hook in terms of liability. If that is not a red flag… not sure what is?

Several years ago I started educating myself on the toxic ingredients in my beauty and cleaning products. I learned that many items sitting on the shelf for purchase have ingredients that have been linked to cancer. I started reading ALL labels; I stopped buying certain makeup, cleaning products, moisturizers, shampoos etc. I was shocked that companies (Like J&J) were allowed to get away with selling this crap for so long. It was through this process I realized I can’t trust the companies or the government entities that approve them for public use. So, once again, I learned to question everything…

Listen, I understand that  those who have died or had severe illness from the vaccine VS. those who have had relatively minor or no reaction to the vaccine made my chances for short term serious side effects very low.  I am also aware that a percentage of people will experience anaphylaxis and die from ANY vaccine… that is just expected although it is very rare… I get that. I understand that based on today’s science being offered to the public, vaccination appears to be the best solution… I also know that today’s science could change based on new evidence (see above to confusing health policies)

So with that all said, it should not be so surprising that some people- myself included were not OR are not ready to make that choice.

I often tell my daughter when she get’s upset about how someone else is acting, “well you can only worry about you and you are in control of how you act and how you respond”

Same goes here—if  you don’t like the choices others are making, “worry about you.”

I trust you will make the best choice for yourself. And when people go around calling people sheep, well I don’t think anyone is a sheep- NO- we are all frogs.

We are all frogs in a pot of water and it is heating up in here. A lot of frogs don’t feel it yet, but many do. They feel it, and while some frogs are staring at each other thinking it is another frogs fault the water is starting to boil, some frogs are wonder who the hell is turning up the heat?

Maybe I have too many analogies going on here- whichever one works for you just use it. Either way could we all just love the other frogs? Could we all just love the other passengers? Regardless of personal choice?

So the last question I want to answer, cause I can anticipate it coming.

“If you didn’t feel comfortable with the vaccine, why’d ya get it?”

Honestly, I am still wondering a bit too, but here’s what I got.

I do not have the mental or emotional strength to plea with my fellow train goers to let me stay on the train. My mental health has been negatively impacted just playing out the scenarios I see coming to my very near future… the conversations in the gym around vaccinations… the convos at the dance studio about vaccinations, the convos with friends and family,  the soon to be signs on doors “NO VAX NO ENTRY,” the passports and so on… I just honestly can’t do it. I am emotionally drained and a bit mad at myself, because never in my life did I feel I didn’t have a choice, and although I did make a choice, I felt like my arms were tied on this one.

I’ve heard the argument- ‘you have the choice, but you must deal with the consequences of that choice’ or ‘well I guess if you choose to not get vaxxed you also choose to stay at home’

REALLY? Come on guys, we are all social creatures. We want connection and acceptance and love and compassion and empathy. Humans will literally do almost anything to be a part of the pack, the group, the gang. We’ve seen this demonstrated in gang culture, group mentality, riots. We’ve seen it demonstrated throughout history and honestly it hasn’t always been a good thing. Some of the worst events in history came from fear of NOT being accepted, fear of exclusion… fear of being thrown from the train.

I weighed my options, and I chose to get the shot. I am glad I had the choice… but I am pissed at how I had to make it.  You have the permission to change your mind. If you got the vaccine, and now you are seeing some info that is making you question it… That is okay, you are allowed to question it. If you were adamantly opposed to the vaccine and now you are seeing some information that is making you think otherwise… awesome, you get to change your mind. If you got the shot but are opposed to vaccine mandates… You are allowed to feel that way too. That is the beauty of our free country. We have the freedom to make our own decisions, change our mind, ask questions.

I will end with this; I was recently listening to a Brene Brown Podcast and this quote stood out.

“The Foundation of Freedom is the Power to Choose.”

Let’s not allow this to divide us. When this pandemic started, we stood together united. I will continue to stand. I will stand on that train, and I will love on each and every person standing along side me. I will celebrate their freedom to choose. I will see your happy photo of you celebrating your double vaccination and I will cheer you on for you have the freedom to make that choice. I will see that person standing strong in their decision not to be vaccinated and I will celebrate them for making that choice. This celebration of choice is shifting… especially with todays announcement… the freedom to choose is slowly slipping…

The FOUNDATION of FREEDOM is the POWER to CHOOSE.

We must all have the right to choose. Our country was built on this, and our Charter of Rights supports it. Our national anthem rings loud through (half empty and now fully vaxxed ONLY) stadiums

“Our true north strong and free.”

• – Hey guys, thanks for reading. Please note that this post took a lot of time and thought. I post it with the intention to put a face to a person who is hesitant or perhaps completely opposed to the vaccine. A real face, a real person and I hope if you stood in front of me, we could connect on a deeper level beyond vaccines and vaccine passports
• – I write this with the intention and invitation to be compassionate to ALL fellow train goers.
  
• -I write this with the intention to spread love and kindness and compassion and understanding to those feeling confused and untrusting right now.
  
• -I write this to engage with, respect, and honor those with an opinion that is different from my own.

LINKS:

Guide to the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms- https://www.canada.ca/en/canadian-heritage/services/how-rights-protected/guide-canadian-charter-rights-freedoms.html

In England, hundreds of vaccinated people hospitalized with Delta- https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2021/8/6/nearly-35-percent-of-uk-delta-hospitalisations-fully-vaccinated

BC Launches Proof of vaccination to stop spread of COVID-19 https://news.gov.bc.ca/releases/2021HLTH0053-001659

Dr.

https://gimletmedia.com/shows/science-vs/llh4o32/the-delta-variant-how-bad-is-it

Appologies….https://www.ctvnews.ca/politics/don-martin-sorry-is-never-the-hardest-word-for-justin-trudeau-1.5445755

https://nationalpost.com/health/worlds-most-expensive-drug-prescription-that-costs-up-to-700000-per-year-too-expensive-canada-says

https://healthycanadians.gc.ca/recall-alert-rappel-avis/hc-sc/2021/76041r-eng.php

https://www.asbestos.com/news/2020/10/06/johnson-johnson-settles-asbestos-lawsuits/

https://www.fda.gov/drugs/drug-safety-and-availability/drug-recalls

https://www.fraserinstitute.org/article/bill-c-10-threatens-freedom-of-expression-in-canada

https://laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/eng/acts/c-12.3/page-1.html