Fear. Fear is a funny thing. For eons, it was an important tool in navigating life. An important survival tool. But now… now, in this time where we no longer need to fear ravenous sabour tooth tigers — times where, for most people living in the first world knows where their food is coming from… FEAR seems like a feeling we should have long tucked away into a neat little evolutionary box. Don’t get me wrong, I realize it can be an important and required feeling to help in EXTREME situations, like being lost in the woods, or on the frontlines of war etc… But for the majority of the population, fear should really take a back seat… Shouldn’t it?
The other day, I was feeling such an overwhelming sense of worry, I just sat down and free wrote my list of fears, here is a sample:
- Fear of failure
- Fear of missing an opportunity
- Fear of being redundant
- Fear of NOT standing out
- Fear OF standing out
- Fear of ridicule
- Fear of not being loved
- Fear of not being a good Mom
- Fear of judgement
- Fear of making mistakes
- Fear of not making money
- Fear of husband dying
- Fear of kids dying
- Fear of losing focus
- Fear of feeling unfulfilled
The things we fear are no longer tangible scary things like tigers, lions and bears. They are created by us in our heads. I created every single thing on that list. The day I wrote that down, none of those items on there were going to directly endanger my life on this earth. And even if some of those things happen, they are still not ‘life or death’ scenarios for me. So why so much fear?
Through self reflection and assessment, I have determined fear has been the number one factor that has held me back and kept me in a safe predictable existence. I have also come to realize, ‘safe and predictable’ do not equate ‘change and growth’. So in order for me to change and grow… and therefore move forward, I must also be okay with leaving ‘safe and predictable’ behind. I have decided to start jumping into my fear, and telling my monkey mind to stand the fuck down when it is desperately telling me to stay in the ‘safe and predictable’ zone.
Here is my example. Last August I left my ‘safe and predictable’ desk job to launch into the unknown by working with my husband, helping with his design and construction business, and pursuing a new path focused on fitness and motivating/ inspiring others to pursue a life of passion and purpose — A week after submitting my resignation, my husbands company went from a year of lined up work, down to 3 months of work. This meant we only had 3 months of secured financial income… and I just resigned from my stable job…. FEAR set the FUCK in… it set in hard. All the worst case scenarios jumped at me… I imagined us homeless on the street. I hyperventilated on my couch- I wondered if I should march back to work and rip up my resignation. Fear was telling me… “See… Safe and predictable is the best way”.
Yet every time I imagined backing down and giving into fear, I felt small. I felt like I would let myself down. Like I wasn’t giving my true self a chance to thrive. When I got quiet with myself, and told my mind to shut up, I could feel in my bones what I needed to do. I think we all have this ability. To get quiet and FEEL the right answer within us. Usually FEAR wins, and I am so glad I didn’t let it win that day.
Self Reflection
Free write a list of your current fears. Don’t think or judge … just write.
Look at those fears. Which one is holding you back the most?
Close your eyes and imagine your biggest desire, biggest dream, biggest goal you are too scared to share with anyone. Now write down all the fears that are keeping you in the safe and predictable space?
Do one thing today that frightens you a little. It could be: telling someone “I love you” or ‘singing karaoke’ Or ‘posting a live video to your social media’ or ‘signing up for that course’… Just one thing.