My Midlife Moments

Turning Judgment into a Tool

September 24, 2020KristineMacMillan_

I started thinking and writing about judgement a few months ago. When I first came up with the idea of this blog, I wanted the main theme to be “letting shit go.” I wanted to focus on all the emotional baggage, social concepts, limiting beliefs, cultural constructions, false beliefs – that hold us back from our true selves. I wanted to write about my own process of letting all this stuff go and work through it, because truthfully, after almost 34 years revolving around the sun, I am just now starting to awaken to all the bull shit we are fed. I am just now starting to see it for what it is. BUT… it has taken a lot of self awareness and inner work to get to where I am, and I am still working on it daily.

When I first started to think about judgement and sit with it, I thought this was a piece of me I wanted to “let go.” I wanted to STOP judging people. I thought if I could stop judging others, I could reduce my ego, become more caring, more empathetic and all those gushy things we strive for. The funny thing about this, is that about 2 years ago I probably would have described myself as NON JUDGEMENTAL—I wore it as a badge of honor – It was a symbol of how GOOD I was— I now realize my ego came up with that horse shit – The same way my ego tunes in when I judge a person or situation in order to somehow ‘elevate’ my self. To make myself feel better in that moment.

My Social Media Detox – Key Insights

September 18, 2020September 19, 2020KristineMacMillan_

Do you remember when Facebook became a ‘thing’? Unlike kids today, social media was not introduced until I was a young adult. I had just graduated and a highschool buddy traveling over seas msn’d me and asked if I’d heard of Facebook? I signed up and it became a way to stay connected to old friends, family who lived across the country and a way to share my own experiences. Since then the use of Social media has exploded. Facebook is estimated to have 1.69 BILLION users by the end of 2020 and Instagram has been holding steady at around 1 billion users to date. That is a lot of people.

Social Media Detox Plan

September 18, 2020September 19, 2020KristineMacMillan_

I created this plan initially for myself. Social Media is one of the most powerful tools available for business marketing, building an online following, organizing events/ gatherings and creating connection with distant relatives and friends. However, it has also become a space that magnifies the worst traits of human behaviour. I call it a detox plan because I find the feelings and thoughts associated with social media can become toxic. For Example:

Comments we read may be hateful, full of conflict and disagreement, use vile or racist language. We may not think this affects us, but when we read or engage in negative content… we also absorb negative energy. This can build in our bodies and effect our REAL lives…
Our reaction and self talk as we scroll through images of friends, acquaintances, celebrities, and online influencers turns negative/ comparative
- For example, you have a bunch of fitness influencers on your instagram for inspiration, yet you find yourself comparing and saying hurtful and negative things about yourself instead of feeling inspired by their lifestyle… this is toxic. * Remember this really has nothing to do with the person or post and EVERYTHING to do with YOU and how you feel when you view said persons or post. People may feel similarly when viewing your post… it doesn’t mean you are toxic or bad… it just means this platform creates space for comparison… which can turn negative.
Perhaps your friends are posting adventures and parties they are having, and you get that feeling of FOMO (fear of missing out) or wonder why you are not included. This feeling of comparison and loneliness is toxic.
With a US election around the corner and the continuing Pandemic crisis EVERYONE is experiencing, our feeds can become full of fear, hate, anger and divisive content. This content can affect how we view our world, make decisions in our personal lives, and once again can become toxic. We all need a break from it sometimes.

With this said, if this rings true for you at all… feel free to follow along with these steps and just witness the changes within.

Step 1

PRE DETOX Work- 1-2 weeks. SELF AWARENESS

Monitor your online usage
- Use screen monitoring apps, or write it down
Use the pre detox journal provided to check in
Become aware of how you feel before and after you hop on social media (awareness and conscious usage is key during this first step)
What are you engaging in online? Are you just scrolling as a silent watcher of others? Are you engaging in discussions? What kind of discussions? Are you posting images and experiences? Why, what is the purpose or intent of posting?

Pre-Detox-Journal Download

Step 2

Become Accountable- Post on Social Media Platforms to announce your “detox”

Create a profile image that says you are signing off for a bit or make a post that you will not be on facebook for X amount of time.
This post can offer options for other ways to engage with you during this break- ie. Fb messenger will remain open, or message me for my number or email etc…
Tell your family your plan. This way when they see you on your phone… they can check in and ask you how you are doing.

Step 3

Take Action

Delete ALL Social Media apps from your phone.
IF and I say IF you absolutely MUST use a form of social media for work purposes this is where you create some ground rules:
- ONLY use Work Account- for example, I left our family business Instagram account on my phone so I can continue to post and build content for business use only.
- Set out a clear schedule for posting or creating social media content- for example: 9-10:30 create posts or use prescheduling apps to create several posts.
- Do any work you can on a laptop or desktop NOT phone.
- Do NOT scroll, do your task and exit the app.
- During detox, limit your social engagement/comments on business posts if possible. Perhaps communicate your plan to clients and allow this as an opportunity to connect via email, phone or text instead. This may be a great opportunity to connect in a different way.
Delete pre saved password settings for Social media apps on desktop or laptop.
Delete the apps from any previous history settings so it does not pop up when you log on.

Step 4

Let the DETOX Begin

Choose how long your detox will be. 2 weeks? 30 days?

Self monitor, become self aware and allow time for self-care
- Use the daily check in journal provided to monitor how you are feeling in the days to follow.
- Take the amount of time you usually spend on social media and plan a series of self care activities instead… this could be a bubble bath, taking a walk, going to the beach, playing with your kids, tackling that project you have always wanted to complete. What ever it is, write it down and see what you can fit in. You may be surprised.

Daily-Journal Download

Step 5

What’s next?

Your detox is complete. Now what? This is where you get to determine IF you will be introducing Social Media back into your life and how. Determine when and why you will engage again on social media and who with.

IF you have decided on reintroduction, ask yourself a couple more questions:

HOW- Will you add it back to your phone… or maybe you will ONLY allow social media to take place on a laptop or desk top… that way it is not on you at ALL times. In the case of Instagram, this is almost impossible to do strictly on desktop unless you download additional software (ie. Deskgram) to be able to post via desktop. Through my research, this additional software is not free.

WHEN– Perhaps you want to set some time parameters to your usage. For example: “I will only check my social media first thing in the morning from 7-8am.” Use your Screen Controlling apps if you have them.

WHO– Who posts things that make you feel good? Who do you WANT to engage with? Are there people you need to delete? Take some time and clean up your friends list… it can feel freeing to delete people from your accounts. One example to determine your ‘friends’ list could be: “If I would not say ‘Hello” to you on the street… You probably shouldn’t be on my Facebook”

WHY- Why do you want to continue to engage on Social media… write down some of your personal values and see if it aligns or you can make it align on your personal platforms-

For example- “I value family, connection, diversity, education and growth. I want to continue to be on social media in order to connect with family, to use facebook as a personal photo album to look back on in the future, I want to read and learn about diverse opinions and follow members of diverse backgrounds on my Instagram. I want to learn from others to seek personal growth through following motivating and inspiring people. I want to engage online and in the world in a positive way.”

Similarly, take a moment to think and write down some of the aspects of Social Media you DO NOT want to engage in:

For example- “I do not want to engage in conflict online that will negatively affect my mental health”

‘If I find my inner voice turning negative while reading/ viewing certain photos or pictures I will take action and “unfollow” or “hide” certain content for a set amount of time… or indefinitely’

Want to Connect? Feel free to email me by clicking the Contact Me link at the top of the home page.

Pain vs. Suffering

July 28, 2020August 3, 2020KristineMacMillan_

I don’t remember what I was reading, but I vividly remember this quote: “Pain is of the body and suffering is of the mind”. I wrote it down in my journal immediately. This stuck with me. I have suffered (there is that word again) from anxiety since I was a little girl. I would lose sleep imagining the impending Big Earthquake I heard about in school would hit or worrying about burglars breaking in through my window. I created and still create this kind of suffering.

However, an example that jumps at me when I think of this quote is the pain/ suffering of childbirth. We have all heard that child birth and labor is the most excruciating pain a women will experience. We hear horror stories of births gone wrong, or emergency c-sections. These stories stick with us and for many women create fear long before the actual pain of child birth even begins. In many ways, this post relates greatly to my post on fear. When we are fearing something, we are suffering. It is not physical pain that creates this suffering, it is our own thoughts around the pain/ event that creates and magnifies suffering.

You Are Not a Phony, You Are Human .

May 25, 2020July 7, 2020KristineMacMillan_

You know all those photos and stories you DON’T share on social media. The ones you think people will see then judge and criticize. The ones that make you feel like a fake. The ones that shatter your perfect online social media image. For example, pictures of you serving your kids kraft dinner and hotdogs for dinner when you generally consider yourself a health nut; Or lounging all day watching movies (in the summer) when the rest of your photos are of hiking and camping adventures, or diving into a bag of potato chips, then coming up for air and discovering you ‘accidentally’ ate the whole bag, after you just announced your low carb diet.

For me, I feel like a phony when- I yell at my kids, eat fast food, sneak a cigarette while out for a girls night, serve my kids a plate of food consisting only of beige colored items, when I drink too much and feel terrible the next day, when I jump on the scale and the numbers don’t reflect what I have been told I should weigh.

Finding Courage within Our Fear.

April 25, 2020June 30, 2020KristineMacMillan_

Fear. Fear is a funny thing. For eons, it was an important tool in navigating life. An important survival tool. But now… now, in this time where we no longer need to fear ravenous sabour tooth tigers — times where, for most people living in the first world knows where their food is coming from… FEAR seems like a feeling we should have long tucked away into a neat little evolutionary box. Don’t get me wrong, I realize it can be an important and required feeling to help in EXTREME situations, like being lost in the woods, or on the frontlines of war etc… But for the majority of the population, fear should really take a back seat… Shouldn’t it?

The other day, I was feeling such an overwhelming sense of worry, I just sat down and free wrote my list of fears, here is a sample:

Memories of a Pandemic

April 7, 2020June 30, 2020KristineMacMillan_

How would you describe life before the pandemic, self-isolation, quarantine… or as I like to call it ‘the great pause?’ The words that come to mind for me are: busy, rush, keep up with the jones, hectic, exhausting, unbalanced.

The reality is, these words relate to a world that is unsustainable. We have become a society that rarely takes a moment to pause… be mindful… sit in nature and just breathe.

Well guess what? Mother Nature is working hard to find an equilibrium, not just in nature through reduced emissions, but at home; we are forced to slow down, forced to look inward to find balance.

So with that said, here is what I am observing, in my life, on social media and from friends. This may very well be the most memorable time for both you and your children.