Santa

And what to do when your kids discover the truth!

Nope, I’m not talking about the moon landing, or the JFK assasination, or even the more recent wild conspiracies out there.
I’m referring to the age old conspiracy most parents play an active roll in between mid-November all the way up to Christmas Day. That’s right! The big guy who lives in the North Pole and delivers over a billion presents in a day, travelling by sleigh pulled by flying reindeer.

Now that we all know what this post is about, please ask children to leave the room and lock your door, ‘cause even as I write this, I’m concerned my kids may find it and all their childhood dreams , hopes and wishes will instantly evaporate, and I will be the worst mom ever!

As a mother of an eleven year old, who is wavering in her once rock solid beliefs, my question is, what happens when the curtain is pulled and all she sees is boring old Mom and Dad placing presents under the tree?

Yet, somehow, we all seem to work together to pull it off- Heck, there are even apps and websites that help us all solidify this grand fabrication. The postal service is even in on it… and you better believe our house has a little elf named “ Starry Star” that moves around to a new location each night, after her long journey back from the North Pole to update Santa on their behaviour the day before.

I’ve spoken with several parents whose Christmas’s no longer revolve around Santa, elves and reindeer, and their stories are varied.

One mom of 3 boys (2 are older, one younger) decided to invite the older boys to join in on creating the magic for their little brother when they first found out. This helped to keep the magic alive a little longer, and they enjoyed their new role as co-conspirators, moving elves and playing it up. There didn’t seem to be an earth shattering response I so utterly fear.

Another momma with 2 boys-her oldest on the autism spectrum-described a heart breaking account of the Christmas Santa “died” at her house.
Her older son had pieced together some anomalies, leading him to discover the truth. Upon confronting his mom, he displayed feelings of anger and betrayal. To her surprise, he then demanded she tell his brother the truth, unwilling to play into the conspiracy he felt so betrayed by. She went on to tell me after this initial blow out and discussion, they continued with Christmas without revealing the big news to his younger brother, things seemed to level out , and her older son even appeared happy. She later found him in his room and did a check in, “so… how was your Christmas?” To her dismay, he announced it was the “worst Christmas ever” and any trace of “happiness” was faked.
She was heartbroken after all the time and energy put into that day.

One friend simply never played into the conspiracy, telling her kids at a very young age Santa was pretend, but it was not something to tell other kids who did believe in him.

Several other parents said their kids caught on to the whole thing before they knew it- but played along for fear of “missing out” on Santa gifts!

So, here I sit, with this beautiful eleven year old who wants so hard to believe, yet her critical mind asks questions, and her attention to detail has become superb when analyzing the many things associated with this conspiracy I so happily play into each year.
Now let me introduce you to my 7 year old son, who’s exclaimed, “I don’t believe in Santa!” on several occasions. He’s always been unsure, scoffing at the elf he says, “ looks like a stuffed toy to me!” Yet, my daughter always brings him back into the magic, questioning his cynicism, “well, then who puts all the gifts under the tree, or sends us Christmas letters in the mail?” To this he shrugs, and tries to play along the best he can.

I’ve had to remind myself many times this year why this grand conspiracy was so important to me? Why do I need to participate in it? And here’s what I’ve come up with:

1. When I was a kid I LOVED the magic of Santa! There were no elves or Santa letters, but the magic was real to me. I still remember the joy I felt when I could have sworn I heard Jingle bells on my roof, and quickly fell back asleep so santa didn’t catch me awake!
   
2. Once you pull back the magical veil of make-believe, you can never go back to that beautiful fairy land place- except with mind altering drugs, but that’s for a different post!
   
3. The realities of the world can be dark, scary and downright sad! The longer my kids can just be KIDS the better!
   
4. When I think back to the moment I did finally catch my own dad placing presents under the tree, I have no resentments or negativity associated with that moment.
   
5. Playing into the conspiracy and doing ALL the things allows me to live vicariously through my children- their joy, brings me joy.
   

Knowing my “ Why” and also knowing this is likely my last year of full blown magic, I come back to the question. What should I do as it all starts to be revealed?

1. When asked “Is Santa Real?” I’ve been responding with, “Do you believe he is real?” To which I conclude… “That is all that matters then.” This way it feels less like lying, and more like letting her decide for herself.
2. My husband and I continue to move the darn elf every night and even write notes if necessary. Even as the magic fades, we continue to put in the effort, knowing it’s likely our last year.
   
3. This is the most daunting and important of all. Make a game plan for next year.
   Likely Santa will naturally fade into the world of make believe as my daughter enters grade 7. However, I’m planning to discuss it with her before the next Christmas season rolls around. A hardcore belief in Santa by this age will get tricky in the school yard, so I plan to lay it on her gently and invite her to play the magic out for her skeptical little brother.

One thing I know for sure, is I never expected this phase to be so hard. Not once did I think about the day Santa would “die” in my kids eyes, not until this year!

For now, the conspiracy lives on, but I want to hear your stories! How did the truth come out in your house? Did it go well? Were there tears? Do your kids still believe and you’re nervous about what happens when the truth comes crashing down?
Share your stories below!